i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
