I cockslap morals
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
