No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
