I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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