cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
