A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
