I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
