How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
