I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
