Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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