If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
