I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
