he was CRYING into my vagina
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
