so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize