Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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