i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He shit in the fireplace
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
