He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
