after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
