Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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