watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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