i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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