I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
