woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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