i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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