Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
