Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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