That's intense
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
