my sisters under your porch take her home
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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