I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
