I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
