If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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