i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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