is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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