Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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