I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You ate ashes out of my bong
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize