well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
