My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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