Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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