it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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