Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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