I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
