I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
