guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
