you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
