I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
now i know why i became what i already was.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
