when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize