Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
