The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
