Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
