I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
