if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
