i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
