I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
