I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize