I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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