i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
