i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
