she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize