Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
