i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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