dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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