I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
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