if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
