How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
