What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
