Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize