I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize