that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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