he wants to bone in the snuggie
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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