I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
